You have been hurt so badly you are wondering, "How do I forgive?" We are so programmed to bury our true feelings that we never really let go of them, not realizing that these hurts will eventually begin to creep into our actions: We are sent "over the edge" with no control of our emotions, lashing out at those who love us.
That's exactly what happened to me. Rather than being the loving wife I wanted to be, I would lose control and go "over the edge." I hated those who hurt me so much! I prayed God would send them to burn in Hell! The bitter memories of being molested and raped continued to creep into my mind, and were choking the peace from my life. How do you forgive someone for something like that? I would become depressed, or get mad at the world. I just couldn't control how I reacted. Sometimes I yelled in anger, and my family would look at me with fear-filled eyes. I was completely blind. I would think to myself, "What's wrong with them?" I never thought for a moment that I might actually be the problem. I didn't know it at the time, but my anger was coming from deep in my past. My life was filled with silent secrets. I thought, "I'm okay with my past," all the while mulling over old hurts in my mind. I was afraid to open my heart to anyone, so I continued in a tailspin of bad moods, a critical spirit and a bad attitude, especially toward my husband and kids. My raging emotions were caused by wounds I wasn't willing to look at. I needed to see what was in my heart, then I could begin to deal with the anger.